Ole Corporal Bartholomew, Penny's first recruit for the henchmen. A little beyond his prime, perhaps, but the old guy could still get really stewed up. At night, Bartolomew was known to relax with a rather special cocktail, made of turpentine. As a result, the old bird could become quite explosive, especially when exhaling around the flames of his memorial pumpkins.

Each evening, he lit candles inside the pumpkins in honor of his dead friend, Reverend Gravel. Bartholomew believed his dead friend sent smoke signals through the pumpkins so he faithfully tried to interpret them as insights about his daily life.